I had a thought the other day. Yes, I see you pretending to faint. I do have thoughts from time to time, though it’s fair to say that nothing much comes of them.
As many of you will have noticed, I have much in common with the singer-songwriter Kate Bush.
Like many otherwise decent ratepayers, I had to be sedated heavily after reading that watching nature documentaries on the television reduces stress levels.
As you might imagine, news that two Hobbit holes are to be built near Braco caught me right in the eye.
Noise annoys. I felt sorry for the people in the news reports who had to thole barking mutts in the house next door.
Oh, luxury. I’ve just had a great night’s sleep under a new duvet. Not only that, but the duvet had a new cover. And I was sleeping on new sheets. And I also had new pillowcases and a £15 pillow from IKEA that puts your heid in the right position.
I have been experimenting with after-shave. You spit out your Golden Nuggets and exclaim: “But ye’ve goat a beard, like, ken?”
I always liked the title of the Brian Eno album Taking Tiger Mountain by Strategy.
Having changed my office for the dining-room – where no one ever dines – and having moved the bird-feeder nearer the house, I see more of my little, feathered friends, who love me in the same way a beautiful, young woman loves a rich, old man.
I have become used to the idea of throwing out books. In years gone by, I thought it almost tantamount to a crime.