In 2020 I was pulled out of school following the decline of my mental health. I was just 14.
In the years before I had struggled with my attendance.
Some days I was unable to get out of bed but had no idea why. On others I arrived at school only to have panic attacks then harass my mum with texts pleading to go home. Sometimes I considered walking the four-hour journey home.
I couldn’t understand what was wrong. I couldn’t explain my feelings because I didn’t fully know how I felt.
For 18 months I went without education, stayed at home and barely left the house. I fell into a depression that would take years to climb out of.
Autism diagnosis gave me clarity
But in 2023, I was diagnosed with autism. My years of wondering what was so wrong were over.
According to the organisation Beyond Autism, there are 700,000 autistic people in the UK. That’s 1 in every 100 people. If you include their families, that means autism affects 2.8 million people.
However, many go much of their life without diagnosis and it’s estimated there are as many as 1.2 million undiagnosed autistic people in England alone.
I know what it’s like to live without diagnosis.
The worst part was being misunderstood.
After counselling, I realised my experiences mirrored what many undiagnosed autistic girls experience in school.
Seen as rude and disruptive in school
I was singled out by staff, painted as rude, and disrespectful. I was pulled out of class for being disruptive, or disengaged.
It was hard to understand how to change the behaviour I didn’t see. My problems spiralled. The anxiety in school got worse. The environment was too loud, friendships were difficult. Being pulled out of class left me missing information from those lessons.
Every day I would come home in tears, exhausted beyond explanation. This led to my attendance slipping, a common occurrence for pupils like me.
According to the Centre for Social Justice, a child with additional support needs is four times more likely to be severely absent from school than their peers.
How Panbride gave me back my education
My 18 months out of education came to an end when I was offered a place at Panbride [an extended support service provided by Angus Council for secondary school pupils experiencing significant barriers to learning in mainstream schools].
This facility serves as a safe space for young people who are out of mainstream school to still receive support in getting an education though help from teaching staff, access to computers and the internet and a quieter, more relaxed environment to get on with their studies.
After viewing the small building with my mum and getting to know some members of staff I apprehensively agreed to attend.
First day back at ‘school’
My first day was in the December of my fourth year in secondary school.
The journey there was long and fear-inducing. The rolling green hills seemed endless as soft music blasted though my headphones.
I wasn’t used to leaving the house or coming into contact with other young people. I wasn’t confident socially or academically. I didn’t have any trust in teaching staff. I felt constantly at battle with them and the whole thing made me feel sick.
Yet, five months later I was sitting two National 5 exams. Despite push back from my school and belief I would fail, I passed.
For the next year Panbride staff supported me in any way they could. It didn’t feel like me versus them. It felt like us versus the problem.
The Highers I thought unachievable
Their support and encouragement allowed me to focus on my studies as well as build confidence not only socially but in my own intelligence which allowed me to excel academically. I gained two Highers in English and modern studies, as well as a National 5 in business and a National 4 in maths.
So what should be done to support undiagnosed and diagnosed autistic children?
According to Beyond Autism, seven in 10 autistic young people feel that school would be better if teachers understood autism.
Had my teachers been more aware of the signs of autism in girls my treatment could have been different.
Instead of understanding I was faced with frustration and criticism. I felt like I was being squeezed into a role that I would never fit.
Autistic pupils three times as likely to be suspended
In June 2023, during a debate on teacher training on dyslexia and autism Baroness Barren stated: “Fewer than 40 in every 100 teachers have received autism training. In secondary schools, that falls to 14 in every 100.”
These figures prove teachers struggle to support autistic children in school as they are not trained to spot the signs. The Autism Education Trust says autistic pupils are three times as likely to be suspended from school than neurotypical peers.
In my case, without the support I received from Panbride and the quieter environment it provided I probably wouldn’t have had an education past second year of high school.
It has allowed me to start studying professional writing at City of Glasgow College.
University not an option – now it’s happening
Before Panbride I would have never dreamed of going to university. It felt so far away from my 14-year-old self.
But after the summer I’m due to start university studying journalism.
I now live a life filled with opportunities not possible without the chance to continue with my education.
How can we ever expect autistic children to succeed in a system built for people they will never be?
Life through an autism lens
Autism isn’t one size fits all and its symptoms vary. It can’t be switched on or off and it’s not something to be cured.
My whole brain is autistic, so every life experience I have is seen through an autistic lens.
To me there is never anything bad about being autistic. I am intelligent. I am funny. I am kind. I am caring. I am loving. I am creative. And my mind is my biggest asset.
I am not these things despite my autism. I am these things because of it.
Grace Prest, 18, lives near Dundee and is a student at City of Glasgow College. She was diagnosed with autism in 2023.
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