I’ve always had a five-year plan, and fostering had been on my mind for a few years when I decided to find out about it properly.
I used to be a primary teacher and have always worked with young people, so I’ve seen first-hand kids who have been looked after, and I’ve worked with foster carers in a professional capacity.
Fostering was always on my radar because I could see the difference these people made.
I also knew pretty early on that I’d never have biological kids, because of my sexuality. In my head I’d written that off, so fostering or adoption was always the route to go down.
A close friend of mine at the school I work at became a foster carer, and we were sitting down for a coffee when I said: “I want to investigate that possibility at some point.”
She asked me: “Why not do it now?”
That was that, I got the ball rolling with an email simply asking a few questions and seeing where it lead.
There was no pressure – social workers want these placements to succeed, so they want to make sure you’re the right fit.
Can a single man be a foster carer?
I 100% expected to face challenges because I’m a single gay man, which might not fit with people’s view of a stereotypical foster carer.
When I was approved in summer 2024 for short breaks and respite care, I believe I was one of the first single males on Perth and Kinross Council’s foster care list.
But there’s such a broad selection of people fostering – I saw that first-hand going through the process.
There was a gay couple in the training programme I was on, which made me feel reassured.
I still believe there are challenges around changing perceptions of what a foster carer should be, but I hope me doing this shows that you don’t need to be a certain type of household to foster.
I think so many people have barriers or challenges in their head that don’t exist in reality: ‘I can’t do this because of my age’ or ‘I can’t do this because of my relationship status’.
Actually, those aren’t barriers at all.
Can I foster while working full time?
One of the things that surprised me was that I was able to be a foster carer while working full-time as a support staff member at Perth High School.
I didn’t know if that would be possible.
But the services are really good at listening to foster carers about what works for you, and matching you with children or families who you’d be suited to help.
I only do weekend breaks or holidays, and it’s not every weekend – just when the main carers need a rest, or to help provide a bit of extra support for the kids.
You also get to say the age range of the kids you’d like to work with, so there are no surprises.
I don’t think I’d be able to look after a baby at this stage, for example, so I take kids aged 8-16.
Currently I have three kids that come to me for weekends or respite care – a brother and sister, who are 10 and 12, and another wee boy who is 10.
What is it like being a short break carer?
The kids I’ve had so far have been absolutely amazing, I’ve been really lucky.
I was a bit worried about challenging behaviour and things, which I think is another common misconception. But I’ve had absolutely no issues.
Partly I think that’s down to how I manage things. And also, it’s down to the social work team, who are just really good at matching people and making sure you’ve got the right support.
You’re never just dropped in the deep in and left to it!
Obviously some of the kids in foster care are coming from difficult times, but it’s just about letting them know I’m there for them, and encouraging them.
It’s great to see the kids enjoying themselves and looking forward to coming.
We go on days out to Edinburgh, visit museums, or just play.
It’s about making sure they get some special attention, making it all about them.
And I find it rewarding to know I’m helping the main carers too, as they get time to look after themselves or other children in the household.
My family are very supportive – I think you really need that – and I often take the kids to visit my mum and dad too.
It’s like they become an extension of my family, and we become an extension of theirs.
I’ve not had to say goodbye to any placements yet, but you go in knowing you’re part of that child’s journey, not the destination.
What happens if my situation changes?
For me, I’m not worried about fostering impacting future partners.
This is the route I’m going down, and if someone wants to join me on that, that’s great, but they’d have to be willing to get on board.
Social work can do more assessments as and when they need to, if that became the scenario.
What should I do if I’m thinking about fostering?
What I’d say to anyone thinking about fostering is to have a conversation with your local authority team and see where it leads.
If you’re thinking about it, and you’ve got space in your life to offer support to a young person, why not give it a shot and see how it goes?
As told to features writer Rebecca Baird.
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