If ever a TV show needed weeding out and throwing on the compost heap, it’s the Big Flower Fight. Rebecca wilts on seeing it.
No. Nope. Absolutely not. Never again. Bring me my coat, I’m leaving. If I didn’t have the rest of this page to fill I’d have ended my review of Netflix’s the Big Flower Fight right there.
It is one of the most excruciating 40 minutes I have ever sat through and I would only really recommend giving it a go if you have run out of all other options. The logic behind the show is yet to be revealed, or at least it wasn’t obvious during the very first episode.
Rudely, Netflix had placed it in my “things we think you’ll love to watch” folder and should expect a strongly-worded letter coming their way.
BFF (those letters usually mean best friends forever – this show will not be your best friend. It is a trap) takes on the same format as the Great British Bake Off.
From the title you think it’s about people throwing different types of flowers at each other, which would’ve been much more entertaining, but no, it’s about bushes.
Ten pairings from around the world are competing to make a flowery bush to a certain theme each episode in order to win the chance to create a bespoke bush for London’s Royal Botanic Gardens. It’s presented by Vic Reeves, who shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near that many bushes at once, in my opinion, and someone I’ve never consciously heard of called Natasia (pronounced Natasha) Demetriou.
The main judge is apparently a florist to the stars, because even the celebrities need flowers, called – wait for it – Kristen Griffith-VanderYacht. To be fair, if I had a made-up job too I would also invent a name to make me seem less boring – Rabeka VonBig-Boat.
The first challenge was to make a giant insect bush.
Kristen announced he wanted bushes to be bushy and beautiful. Guest judge Humaira Ikram said she wanted each of the bushes to use flowers and plants that attract other insects or wildlife. And that’s the only contribution she made, albeit it every five minutes.
What baffled me the most was the fact that the teams had 15 hours to create said bush.
For goodness sake, people, re-evaluate your life decisions!
Some of the contestants were actually taking this seriously. There were Henck and Yan from the Netherlands and Denmark. Henck was dressed in a kilt with a bright neon top and green trainers and kept arguing with judges over what a beautiful bush should look like.
Then there were two others whose names I didn’t write down because I knew this show was not for me, whose jobs are houseplant consultants. Heck, after three days in lockdown I became a houseplant consultant too as they’re the only thing I have to talk to around here!
Seriously, if you want your flower fix, just watch the RHS Chelsea Flower Show reruns the BBC has on just now. BFF isn’t worth the pain.