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SEAN O’NEIL: Ain’t no party like a Boris Johnson party (except for all the other Boris Johnson parties)

Party All The Time: Eddie Murphy banger or Boris Johnson manifesto?
Party All The Time: Eddie Murphy banger or Boris Johnson manifesto?

One of the great things about music is when you realise a song you’ve known all your life is actually about something other than what you first imagined.

Like when you find out the Don McLean hit American Pie is about the death of Buddy Holly.

Or that Buddy Holly by Weezer was written because of a remark about the singer’s Asian girlfriend.

There’s probably a million examples throughout history.

My favourite of the genre was released in 1985 though.

Party All The Time is a song by Eddie Murphy where he pretends his then-girlfriend is four-decades-in-the-future UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson during a global pandemic.

The song’s famous lyrics – “My girl wants to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time” – are clearly an early reference to Johnson’s drinking during multiple lockdowns.

These are, of course, the boozy antics that would result in a police fine for the Prime Minister and a seemingly never-ending scandal for his government.

Photos paint a damning picture

This week, new photographs emerged of Boris surrounded by bottles of wine, glass aloft, toasting his fellow revellers as his red ministerial box lay tossed in a corner.

Now Sue Gray’s long-awaited report has described antics that an American college frat house would be ashamed of – Prosecco-fuelled vomit and scrapping partygoers.

And every fresh revelation is a ringing endorsement of Murphy’s prophecy:

“Party all the time. Party all the time.”

Because the new photos of Boris partying aren’t from the party that he was fined for partying at.

No. These photos are from a party the Met didn’t fine Boris for partying at – despite the Met allegedly fining other revellers at the same party for partying.

The somewhat illogical actions of the police force have confused the general public to such an extent that not even pop Nostradamus Eddie Murphy dare tackle them.

But perhaps the Met should watch Murphy’s 1984 film Beverly Hills Cop where he plays a detective who actually looks at evidence and tries to solve stuff based on that evidence.

He doesn’t just send questionnaires to suspects.

And somehow the Met’s confusing approach to investigations has hampered Sue Gray’s investigation to the extent where she couldn’t fully investigate Boris and Carrie Johnson’s Abba flat party.

Which brings us back to the music…

Turns out Boris Johnson did party all the time

There is a small problem with Murphy’s party anthem.

While it manages to capture the booze-fuelled element of Lockdown Boris, it doesn’t quite tell the story of the scandal.

Of the deceit.

Of the disregard for his own laws and for the British people.

Murphy (imagining himself as the UK public) is clearly upset by the antics of the Prime Minister – “girl, I can’t understand it, why you want to hurt me” – but he never delves deeper into the root causes of that pain.

For instance, is Eddie hurt because Boris partied while thousands died?

Is he upset because families couldn’t visit their dying loved ones while BoJo and Co raised a glass to Wine Time Fridays?

Maybe it’s that grieving relatives couldn’t attend funerals while Downing Street drank booze by the suitcase.

Or does Murphy’s annoyance stem from the apparent lies Boris Johnson told his fellow MPs and the British public when he denied that there had been any parties.

Because they did party.

And 126 fines would suggest it was all the goddamn time.

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