It is December 3, 1987, and the 10-year-old me has the hottest ticket in town: Michelle Palmer’s birthday party.
She’s the first in our P7 class to turn 11 and has invited us to a newly-opened restaurant.
The very first McDonald’s in Scotland – resplendent with Golden Arches on Reform Street.
In the month since opening, I pass by several times, lingering, taking in the unfamiliar yet mouthwatering smells, the shiny chrome surfaces, the scale of two pristine floors, the smiling staff.
Had they all come from America? And what was a Big Mac?
Finally, we were there.
‘News you’d never expect’
The memory of that afternoon – the excitement of joining the queue, rolling the terms ‘Quarter Pounder’ and ‘large fries’ on our tongues for size, being told by Michelle’s mum we could order anything we wanted, my now-husband ordering two Big Mac meals – is as vivid today.
I thought about McDonald’s on Wednesday driving home from filming in Leeds.
Johnny Vaughan was telling listeners on Radio X there was some breaking news – good news. The kind of news you would never expect.
It was that McDonald’s is good for you.
My mind raced – maybe the occasional drive-thru for the kids could be more frequent.
No washing up, no cooking, newly discovered nutrients. Joy.
Alas, the news wasn’t quite that it should be a staple of our diets but that there was growing agreement between migraine sufferers that fries and a Coke was the best cure for relieving pain.
This anecdotal evidence was backed by experts.
Eighty-five years after the chain was founded by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald in San Bernardino, California, its success and newsworthiness – even for the smallest findings – is unstoppable.
Often news has been bad – from staffing practices to lawsuits involving scalding coffee – but the storms have been weathered and negativity replaced by not infrequent positive PR, like the millions of free books the brand gives to children in the UK every year.
‘Parental gift’
If I was to tell you brothers Andy and Jamie Murray owed their success to McDonald’s, you might laugh but perhaps it’s not so far-fetched.
Their mum Judy once told me she always knew the importance of making any tennis tournament – and there were many with journeys across the country – fun.
Whether they won or lost, they looked forward to a trip to McDonald’s on the way home.
They came to associate competitions with the treat, no matter the result.
Every day, McDonald’s continues to be a parental gift.
How many times, from Fintry to the Ferry, are these words uttered with magical effect?
“Go on, do a bit more study/try your best/be a good boy…and we’ll get a McDonald’s tomorrow.”
No one’s advocating a daily dinner there, but it has its place and that place is gold.
You’ll have your own memories of McDonald’s – I’d wager it’s touched us all.
Often I have lamented the increase in Americanisms into common parlance.
“It’s rubbish not garbage, trainers not sneakers, flat not apartment, sweets not candy, petrol not gas, centre not mall,” I say ad nauseam to my eye-rolling boys.
But then, sometimes, what’s the harm?
‘Every bit as giddy’
I won’t budge on the dilution of English or Scots language but if our kids grow up watching American shows, why shouldn’t they hanker for the glow-up of a prom dress and hot date?
Maybe some American things are better than our lower-key marking of events.
McDonald’s has outlasted several British bastions of the high street.
It is 38 years since that first one came to Scotland, narrowly beating Kirkcaldy which opened the second a few weeks later.
The Dundee branch, with its 70 newly recruited staff, broke sales records and needed to draft in extra staff and stock.
The opening week was the second busiest in McDonald’s UK history at the time, taking the restaurant another 20 years to beat that week’s sales.
That level of headline-grabbing fervour might not be sustainable, but I’ll tell you what is: a 10-year old’s delight.
For that little girl from 1987 now looks at her own 10-year-old son and sees the smile spread across his face at the mention of a trip to the Golden Arches.
Almost 40 years on, he is every bit as giddy.
To be as important, as current and as relevant now as then is some feat – and the saviour of parents everywhere still lovin’ it.
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