Look, just aim between the white lines, OK?
It’s called parking and it is not difficult. All you need to do is point your vehicle directly into the space and drive forwards slowly.
If you miss, try again. If you’re sitting at an angle, back up and straighten up. Now get out carefully, controlling the position of your door. Good.
There is no need to overthink this everyday task and that’s why anyone with an ounce of humanity is outraged by the behaviour of people who do it poorly.
But get this: some people get it wrong on purpose.
In recent days, I found myself outraged by the revelation that parking across two spaces is considered to be acceptable by some people.
Admittedly, I read this in a red-top newspaper that has “demonise sections of society” and “annoy the living hell out of your readers” as part of its business plan – but my reaction was valid nonetheless.
Here’s the thing: in the report, a 20-something driver brazenly said that he takes up two spaces to protect his car from damage and that many other people do the same thing.
It’s called “Clarkson parking” because it puts the motorist first and possibly also because it’s about as compassionate as someone who gets sacked for punching a colleague. Granted, it can be heartbreaking when your car gets a dent or a scratch just because you’ve popped into Asda for a packet of custard creams and the blackguard who did it hasn’t even left a note.
But, despicable though this conduct may be, it is not a reason to park across two spaces like the motoring equivalent of Hannibal Lecter.
The rest of us also want custard creams and intact wing mirrors and we’re not defying all natural law to get them.
So – and I’m aware it’s a first world problem and I’m risking the Streisand effect by drawing attention to the practice – I now fiercely condemn Clarkson parking and all who engage in it.
Proper parking, especially when it’s not parallel parking, is one of the skills the modern world demands and it’s everyone’s responsibility.