Richard Foster feared he “had thrown it all away” at St Johnstone as he reflected on the “worst period of my career”.
The Perth defender has spoken for the first time about his fight with team-mate Danny Swanson at Hamilton that resulted in a two-game ban and a heavy fine.
Saints stopped short of sacking the pair of them, and both returned to the team against Aberdeen on Saturday, but Foster admitted that dismissal did cross his mind.
“It was all a blur,” he said. “It happened so quickly and it was over in an instant.
“A lot of what I remember is actually from footage on the TV.
“It was an unfortunate incident which me and Danny are deeply sorry for and deeply regret. But thankfully we were both back involved on Saturday.
“You speak to people after it happened and they reassure you it won’t end up in a sacking. They said it was going to be a fine.
“You justify it to yourself with them. But when you are on your own you begin thinking that about the worst case scenario. You could have made a right pig’s ear of it.
“I feel myself I have had a good season, consistently reaching a level of performance I have been happy with.
“I get on well with everyone here. I love playing for the club and the management team, the players and the fans have been great to me. That is why it was even more ridiculous
“You sit on your own and think you could have thrown it all away. It does hurt. Anyone thinking that week I had off was easy is way wrong. It was the worst period of my career.
“But you get through it and come out stronger at the other side. I know it won’t happen again in any situation I am involved in. I have learned from my mistake and will keep a lid on it in future.”