To the Good People of Broughty Ferry and Dundee…
I write to apologise to any of you unfortunate enough to have witnessed last night’s opening “episode” of Bob Servant Independent. My only hope is that you were out getting your hair done (women), at the bowling (men), or at a disco (both).
I don’t know what clowns they had working their video cameras but they failed miserably to properly capture my eyes which somehow looked completely mediocre. I have literally lost count of the number of times I have been approached by strangers on Tayside Buses to be told my eyes are like the lagoons of South Sea coral islands.
I once caused a perfectly fit, 83-year-old woman in Broughty Ferry Safeways to collapse into the exotic fruit section after I accidentally stared at her for over a minute (I had mistaken her for Angela Lansbury from Murder She Wrote).Filming Bob Servant: click here for a special photo galleryEqually disappointing was how badly the boy with the furry microphone failed to capture my voice. My voice is thick, syrupy and thrilling.
In the early 1990s I memorably called Radio Tay to make a well-worked point about the unacceptable arrogance of Dundee milkmen. That day, several hundred Dundonian women left their husbands, after I had inadvertently given them a glimpse of a better life.
The BBC (or Bob Bully Chiefs as I call them) had better up their game. Dundee deserves better, Broughty Ferry deserves better and God knows I deserve better.
Bob ServantEpisode 1 of Bob Servant Independent is repeated on BBC2 Scotland on Friday at 10pm