And the cry went up in the newsroom: “How mental is Fife today?”
To be fair, Courier Country is a big place with a lot of disparate communities, each boasting their own eccentricities and foibles.
But when Fife gets its crazy on, it beats the other areas hands-down.
This month we’ve already had Derek Acorah spouting off about Germans cyaniding themselves to death in the Secret Bunker (built in the 1950s), this mannequin-related nonsense and our own reporter/ slash poet in conversation with Brynden Tully off of Game of Thrones.
So come with us on a journey through the Kingdom.
First we’ll stop at the picturesque East Neuk.
It’s a lovely place, boasting the best coastal walking, pictures of harbours-based postcard industry and chips of anywhere we can think of.
Apparently it’s also the ideal setting for a spot of modern-day grave looting and wanton desecration.
As we pass into the deeper parts of Fife, we stumble into Kirkcaldy, where a strapping lad is being commended for his bravery after wrestling the ill-gotten gains of a handbag snatcher from said criminal.
His reward – a meeting with Jim Leishman and a trip round a police station.
He also gets to see the next episode of this madness unfold. Lucky fella.
Linger a while with us in Kirkcaldy and you’ll hear about a modern-day Robin Hood stealing from a car to sate his lust for archery.
A quick hop over to Dunfermline next, where we find a couple who have just paid £500 (yup) for an operation on their goldfish.
The procedure involved an exotic consultant surgeon, a vet keeping the goldfish under anaesthetic and a nurse monitoring their heart rates.
So there you have it grave robbers, teenage heroes, medieval weapon thieves and the most expensive pet won at a coconut shy in history just an average day in Fife.
We’ve wrapped it up in one big bundle of paper and print and called it Tuesday’s Courier. Enjoy.*
*All these stories also feature in our editions for Dundee, Angus and Perth and Kinross. But these areas need to up their game, frankly.