The date is Wednesday, June 24, 2013. Time – the back of 7pm.
It has been an unremarkable dayand yet the world is about to change forever.
Across this fine nation of ours families are sitting down to their evening meal as a much-loved refrain spills from the wireless. It’s Archer time.
A time for young and old, a time to share a smile. A time to unite the family. The genteel goings-on at Ambridge have delighted generations during the soap’s 63-year run on Radio 4.
There have, of course, been controversies. Plotlines of cancer, rape and abortion have raised eyebrows but never really lowered the tone.
Yet, last Wednesday, everything changed leaving a startled nation to pick up the pieces. For suddenly and without any real warning, Jack “Jazzer” McCreary let rip.
More than six decades of tranquil drama had passed windlessly so the sudden passing of such could not have been more shocking . Some listeners have reported feelings of disgust, some have been amused but all have been shaken to their very core.
Not for long, however, did the stunned silence linger on-air, with Jazzer proudly proclaiming: “Better oot than in”.
It was originally billed as “an everyday story of country folk”, but more recently Radio 4 has described it as “contemporary drama in rural setting”.
Neither description is particularly racy, and certainly would not appear to set the stage for a trumpeting farmer. It is, of course, perfectly normal for humans to pass flatus per rectum, although the amount and the frequency may vary greatly between individuals.
What is not perfectly normal, however, is for such an occurrence to be broadcast to the nation on long-running BBC radio dramas. So how should we, the Great British public, react to this outrage?
Is is time for the traditional stiff upper lip? Should we simply pretend it never happened?
Politeness would certainly dictate such a response.
On the other hand, should we perhaps take a stand? This nation has witnessed many fine sights and indeed sounds over the last 12 months or so. The London Olympics and the royal jubilee did so much to define all that is best about Britian.
Is there a danger that a silent response to this parp (albeit solitary) could risk damaging the reputation of the UK in the eyes of the wider world?
Certainly that is a possibility.
Yes, I join most right-thinking Archers’ fans in condemning Jazzer.
I am well aware that his ability to hit a bum note on request may set him aside from so much of the acting fraternity. Yet, I simply cannot and will not allow myself to celebrate his dubious talent.
So I say the best way to show the world we can move on from such a momentous eruption is with a dignified silence. There can surely be little doubt that, across the globe, elder statesmen await our response to the broadcast boff.
However, the stench of controversy will not linger. We will not allow it do so. Less said, soonest mended let us never talk of it again.