Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. ARRRGGGHHH.
That, as I am sure you are all too painfully aware, is the sound of happiness turning to tragedy.
More specifically, it is the noise heard when a frog while enjoying an uneventful but pleasantly carefree hop around the streets of Tayside falls into a drain.
It is there, you hardly need me to tell you, that it suffers a lingering and painful death.
I make no apology for the stark nature of these opening comments. It is simply a reflection of what is going on, day-in, day-out on the streets of Courier Country.
But, there is a potential solution.
For full details be sure to pick up Wednesday’s Courier. I can’t say too much more at this stage but suffice to say it includes specially designed ladders. It really is newt to be missed.
Having catered for the amphibian-loving sector it would have been all too easy to put our feet up, but we won’t stop there. Heck no.
If you enjoy a glass of vino what could be better than a glass of Chateau Montrose? Just ask former Rangers legend Mark Hateley. If you don’t have his number, or just don’t want to speak to him, don’t worry for I’ll tell you what he said.
He said it has a nice little nose.
Indeed, he has since been proved to be a wise old sage and football fans in the Angus town are among those very much enjoying a swally of the aptly named plonk. We have the full story.
Meanwhile, a fundraising legend is hanging up his walking boots after more than 100,000 miles on the road. Bobby Campbell is a very fine fellow and it is our honour to doff our collective Courier cap in his direction.
Obesity among young people is generally seen as a bad thing. But could it even be responsible for poor academic achievement? Boffins at Dundee University think so. They just don’t know why, But it’s fascinating stuff nonetheless. News fans should tuck in to Wednesday’s Courier (with no little gusto) to get the full story.
Have you ever worried about impaling yourself on the upturned beak of a penguin? No. Me neither. And nor has Lorraine Kelly. To find on what on earth I am talking about I am afraid I must leave you with little, or indeed no, option but to snap up a copy of The Courier.
In sport, Dundee United and St Johnstone will hope that they’ve got a Tayside derby to look forward to in the Scottish Cup final.
For now though they have to content themselves with a rearranged league fixture at Tannadice on Wednesday night. It’s a second prize. But still a glittering one.
Our sports writers have spoken to Gary Mackay-Steven, Steven Anderson, Tommy Wright and Jackie McNamara ahead of the match. They said lots of things that were faithfully written down by our reporters. Those self-same words were then typed up in story form and lovingly placed in The Courier for your enjoyment.
Also, Christian Dailly gives his thoughts on how the cup may pan out now we’re at the semi-final stage. Which is jolly decent of him.
For more on every last one of these at times joyful, at times tragic, tales be sure to pick up Wednesday’s winning Courier. Failing that (and it would be a sad failing) I would urge against panic. Why not simply try our digital edition instead?