When Coming Up goes on holiday to sunnier climes, one of the first things we tend to do is place ourselves in direct danger of getting a massive, enraged bull’s horn stuck up our nether regions.
Our holidays are far in the future so you can imagine our envy of this man and his encounter with a high-spirited bovine.
We jest of course and thankfully the lad seems to be fine, despite having a prostate probe of the nastiest kind in the middle of a Spanish street.
He may need some new duds though.
Speaking of which, remember the days when football fans crowded the terraces with carry outs the size of armchairs, wedged into a seething mass of humanity with no hope of escape for the inevitable bladder eruption caused by excessive pintage?
It was roll your paper into a cone, warm liquid down the back of the leg and no more said about it.
Well, certain types want a return to those glory days of Scottish football (well, a civilised pint at half time but why ruin a moment of misty-eyed reminiscence).
This is a debate that’s going to rage on and on (until the election) and we have the latest in Tuesday’s Courier.
Sticking with a sporting theme not to mention excessive drinking and other nefarious practices our man at the crease for Scotland’s World Cup opener is Andrew Liddle.
You can follow all the action here with added pithy comment and witticisms and, as you will be asleep long before the end (because it’s late at night, not because cricket’s mind-crushingly dull, obvs) there will be much more in Tuesday’s Courier.
You’ll also find out which St Johnstone legend is sticking around in Perth for a bit longer and which Dundee United defender is hobbling about with leg-gah. It could be worse – it could be sphincter-rip.
Pick up a copy of Tuesday’s Courier for all this and more. You can also try our digital edition.