What do you do with a drunken sailor, what do you with a drunken sailor, what do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?
I’m not actually sure to be perfectly honest, either early in the morning or even later in the day come to think of it.
However, the fact that somebody made up a rollicking song to pose the question would suggest to me they weren’t exactly in top hole, A1 form themselves.
What I do know, however, is that we have booze news par excellence in Tuesday’s whisky-soaked Courier.
Whsiky-soaked AND served with more than a dash of A-list celebrity.
To get even more specific and to put it in layman’s terms we have Joanna Lumley (still ever so comely) perched atop a barrel of whisky.
It’s got nothing to do with salty old sea dogs imbibing to excess but it is a bona fide corker.
Elsewhere, the nation has changed forever.
Paper has turned to plastic.
We have full reports as the new £5 note is released.
We took to the streets of Dundee to find out what punters make of it and, to mark the occasion, we print the entire Courier on polymer instead of paper (that’s a bare-faced lie, accuracy fans).
Meanwhile, if you like shaggy dog tales then hold on to your hats, we have a great story (about a dog for the avoidance of doubt).
A missing one.
But don’t worry, there’s a happy ending. The dog was later found.
Only after a micro-light had been scrambled to help with the search though.
* For more on all of these quite magnificent stories (for that is what they are) please do be sure to pick up Tuesday’s Courier. Failing that why not try our digital edition?