Chris Millar has revealed he would not have been able to look at himself in the mirror if he had put personal ambition before responsibility to the team.
The midfielder was left with a decision to make over whether or not to declare himself fit for St Johnstone’s second leg Europa League tie against Rosenborg last Thursday.
He was outstanding in the first leg in Norway but tweaked his groin in training in the build-up to the game at McDiarmid Park.
That meant he was unable to play and he was left biting his nails in the stand as Saints went marching on by overcoming Rosenborg.
Now though, Millar is fully recovered from his strain and is desperate to be involved for this week’s eagerly-awaited tie against FC Minsk in Belarus.
He said: “I was gutted to miss out. I iced it constantly and set my alarm every hour to get up and do it but by the time I took the test on Thursday, I knew deep down that I wasn’t fit.
“If I had played it would have been selfish. It’s about being professional you could play and end up costing the team because you’re not able to track a runner.
“If I’d done that and something had happened during the game that was my fault then I wouldn’t have been able to look at myself in the mirror. You have a responsibility to the team to make these decisions if you’re not 100%.”
“It was a game we needed everyone bang on for and I didn’t feel like I’d be able to safely say I was really at it,” said Millar.
“We had a similar situation in a cup semi-final with Motherwell when I wasn’t fit and Collin Samuel was in the same boat. We were touch and go.
“He played and I didn’t. During that game you could see he wasn’t right. From that experience, I vowed I would never do that. You’re not letting yourself down it’s the team and the fans as well.”
Millar admitted he was a nervous wreck as the clock ticked down on a famous win over the Norwegian league leaders.
He said: “Watching the game was horrible. There is this helpless feeling because you can’t influence anything.
“You get a hundred times more nervous sitting in the stand than you do out on the park. I was kicking and heading every ball, especially in that final 10 minutes.
“I celebrated with the lads in the dressing-room later on because I did feel part of it. But there was no chance I was about to do a John Terry and run on the park!
“I felt part of the squad because I’d played in the first leg across there.
“Everyone at the club felt it together, maybe in a league game if you’re not involved you don’t feel part of it. But on an occasion like that, it means so much to everyone that we all felt involved. It’s for the fans, the management and the players.
“I should be fit for Thursday night because I’ve done bits and pieces of running.”
Millar though is taking nothing for granted, especially as his replacement against Rosenborg scored a goal on what was a famous night for the Perth side.
He added: “If you come into the team and do well, then you’re up for selection. Stevie May came in, did brilliantly and scored the goal that got us through. Maybe he should keep his place but that’s a decision for the manager. I certainly don’t think I’ll walk straight back into the team because I’m fit again.
“There may be an element of horses for courses, but that will come down to what the manager sees on the DVDs. If Stevie plays and I don’t, I won’t be moaning about it.
“We have belief and have taken confidence from beating Rosenborg. But we won’t take Minsk lightly.