Moving to another continent involves saying goodbye a lot and I do mean a lot.
When it finally sinks in that you’re making a big move, there comes a realisation that you’re leaving behind a lifetime of people that you care about. Even for someone who hates goodbyes that would be me there’s a need, on some level, to leave on the right terms. But it turned out that everyone had a message for me before I left.
The goodbyes took weeks. They began with a booze-up, then continued with, well, a series of booze-ups, each more emotionally draining than before. The Pogues’ song Sally Maclennane was stuck in my head almost constantly for a month. “Sad to say I must be on my way. So buy me beer and whisky cos I’m going far away.” They did.
There were also many lunches, which happily coincided with a desire to eat “proper steak pie” before leaving Scotland. I ate a lot of steak pie. By the time of the last hurrah a big drinking session in a function suite above a pub in Perth I was starting to feel thoroughly washed out by it all, and very fat. Even then, I felt I had missed too many people out, or exchanged too few words with good friends.
Throughout these conversations there were common themes. I surprised myself by talking openly about my feelings, telling people why they had been close to me and why I would miss them. In return, I was embarrassed by the positive things people said. I cringed as I was the subject of a flattering speech on my last night at work, then replied in a voice cracking with emotion. I was so touched that I hardly insulted anyone. There was a big card and a generous gift. Later, people approached in ones and twos to shake my hand and hug me. To my astonishment, several of them cried.
But the single most common thing that was said to me was: “You’ll do well.” Again and again, the handshakes were held for extra seconds as people looked me the eye and wished me the very best and wished really hard. Do well. You can do it. You’ll land on your feet. Be Dick Whittington. Succeed. Give ‘em hell. Do it for us.
I came to understand why so many immigrants work so very hard. They don’t want to let anyone down. They are remembering those lingering handshakes, those damp eyes, those hugs, those fervent good wishes. Wherever we go, we carry the hopes of those who love us. We pack up their dreams with our own, and we do the things they would do, if only they could.
So, here I am in Canada. It’s been a long and difficult path but I’ve finally arrived. It’s time to get stuck in and prove them all right.
I can’t let anyone down.