We’ve all been there. I know I have.
You have just 12 hours to pack a gigantic set of testicles into an ice box and get them down to Shropshire.
It’s a true story and yet also a cock and bull story, all in one.
And therein lies the rub.
You see, it all centres on an ex-bull.
Rocco by name.
When Rocco broke his leg and had to be put down he had never had the chance to sire any calves, despite being a majestic beast. Remarkably majestic, in fact.
In seemed a shame to let such majesty go to waste, and so they lopped off his substantial dangly bits.
It was then that the farmer had to pack them in ice and get them down to a lab in Shropshire.
Jolly dramatic stuff.
And with a happy ending. Rocco may not be there to enjoy fatherhood but it is my happy duty to report he IS a dad. Albeit posthumously.
It really is worthy of Hollywood (legal note I thought of it first, Spielberg)
Don’t miss the full story in Tuesday’s Courier.
If that news made you exclaim “Crumbs!” in wide-eyed amazement, then prepare to exclaim “Crumbs!” in wide-eyed amazement all over again.
For next up is a story about crumbs.
Breadcrumbs to be precise.
And, in the interests of being more precise still, the news that you should NOT be feeding aforementioned crumbs to the ducks. Not under any circumstances.
You may be well-bread enough to know that already, but if not please don’t miss Tuesday’s Courier for full, explosive details.
Are you a Facebooker, by which I mean do you use Facebook?
That is not simply a gratuitous query designed to satisfy my own thirst for details of your private life.
No, I merely mention it as you may be interested to find out details of some new rules on what can or can’t be posted on Facebook.
And be warned it’s bad news for buttock fans.
* The aforementioned represents but the merest slice albeit a tasty one of the delicious pie of news on offer in Tuesday’s Courier (metaphorically speaking). Do be sure to snap up your copy. Failing that, why not try our digital edition. It has all the same stories, only not printed on squished trees.