I think it is time for another splatter-gun moan about the calumnies and abuses perpetrated upon the English language that have annoyed me recently. I’ll fit in as many as space allows.
Barter is an exchange of goods without money being involved. Haggle is to argue over price. You don’t “barter” over the cost of a car. Phased and fazed are different words meaning different things. Sewn and sown are different. It is a trestle table, not a tressell table.
Sleight of hand is tricky. Slight of hand might mean having small hands. You’d be in dire straits if you wrote dire straights. The phrase is “when the dust has settled”, not dusk. “Throw caution” makes no sense. The full idiom is “throw caution to the wind”. A disappointing event is a damp squib, not squid.
You have vocal cords, not chords. Chronic is long-lasting, or constantly recurring. Acute is severe, but short-lived. It is a chronic mistake to mix them up. Cars have axles, skaters perform axel jumps. Footballers are given yellow cards for dissent, not descent.
Loose and lose are different. Flea and flee are different, as are rein and reign, and break and brake. New and knew are different words – it amazes me that anyone could get that wrong!
Nothing can be a “90-minute round trip away”. A round trip means the journey to a destination and back. You pore over a text, not pour over it (unless you want to get it wet). Outweigh, not out way.
Using numbers as words, or parts of words (sk8 for skate, 2 for too, b4 for before) is regarded as clever only by those aged under 11.
You bare your soul, but bear a burden. “Would of” is not an alternative to “would have”. Don’t even mention “should of” to me! If you say 3 am, there is no need to add “in the morning”. AM stands for ante meridiem, not ante meridian.
BBQ is not barbecue. Xmas is not Christmas. Dorm is not dormitory. Rehab is not rehabilitation. Lab, max, and limo have all but seen off their longer versions and the language is poorer for it. Just because people think it is legit doesn’t make it legitimate.
The spoils of war doesn’t mean a spoiled thing. Mercurial doesn’t mean good. Apt is fitting, not just good. Contemporary doesn’t necessarily mean modern, its best definition is “of the same period”. The word is hybrid, not high-bred, for goodness’ sake!
Don’t say “can I have a pig’s ear?” The shopkeeper will think you are asking if there is a law preventing such a thing. Just say “a pig’s ear, please”.
Yous is not a plural of you. It never has been. I hope it never will be, but fear it will.
Word of the week
Flocculent (adjective)
Resembling tufts of wool. EG: “I despair of the flocculent brain of any adult who would ask ‘did yous sk8 b4 2?’.”
Read the latest Oh my word! every Saturday in The Courier. Contact me at sfinan@dctmedia.co.uk
