Perthshire woman Laura Findlay hasn’t watched television for more than four years.
This is because of the intense negative emotions she could experience if she was to see something upsetting.
Laura has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD).
And having borderline personality disorder means the 38-year-old experiences intense emotions, mainly negative ones, and worries about being abandoned by her loved ones.
“Every day is a struggle because with the personality disorder I experience really strong emotions,” she explained.
“Somebody could say a little thing to me and I can take it really badly.
“I can be really hurt by it or feel very angry.
“Each day is difficult because I know the emotions will be strong for whatever reason.”
She continued: “To give an example I don’t watch television any more and I haven’t for four years.
“This is because if say a soap was on and someone elderly got ill, then I would immediately think of my gran dying.
“She isn’t dead, but I would think of gran dying and then get upset about it.
“Little triggers become big things to me.”
Support from Trauma Healing Together
Laura is speaking out about her own mental health as tens of thousands of people in Scotland remain stuck on psychological therapy waiting lists.
And she credits staff at Perth-based charity Trauma Healing Together with giving her some of the help she needs to manage the “negative emotions” that can – at their worst – leave her feeling suicidal.
Laura’s husband Rab is also a tower of strength for her.
She wants to raise awareness of the charity, as well as Perth and Kinross Mental Health and Wellbeing Festival, taking place on August 19 and 20.
Laura said: “The festival is really important for anyone struggling with their mental health.
“It can be really difficult to find out what is out there in terms of mental health services and what is local.
“It offers a lot of talks and activities as well as information on where to find support.
“I have had a lot of help from Trauma Healing Together, which is the organisation behind the festival, so I want to help raise awareness of the charity.”
What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
The NHS defines Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a disorder of mood and it affects how a person interacts with others.
A person with borderline personality disorder:
- Often feels worried about people abandoning them,
- Has intense emotions that last from a few hours to a few days,
- Feels insecure about who they are,
- Uses self-harm to manage their feelings and/or feels suicidal
When was Laura diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder?
Laura, who lives in Bankfoot, Perth, has struggled with her mental health for most of her life.
As well as having borderline personality disorder, she also struggles with anxiety, depression and regularly experiences suicidal thoughts.
She believes her difficulties were triggered by a significant event in her childhood.
“My mum left when I was three years old,” she said.
“This brought on the abandonment issues I have now.”
She recalls first seeking help when she was a teenager.
“I was 16 when I started seeing a GP and then a psychiatrist.
“Some of the symptoms I had when I was a teenager included feeling really down and self-harming.
“It wasn’t until 2015 I was officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
“I have also been diagnosed with bi-polar II, anxiety and recurring depression.”
Bipolar II disorder involves periods of depression and elevated mood, called hypomania. This is like mania but less extreme than bi-polar 1.
Laura’s difficulties with mental health
Laura also gave an insight into her issues with anxiety.
“Cars driving past me and going into a shop on my own makes me feel anxious – it is just the thought of people looking at me,” she explained.
“I live every day with anxiety and some days it will be stronger than others.”
Laura admitted she also self-harms and has even had thoughts of taking her own life.
She said: “This happens when I get fed up of having such strong negative emotions and trying to deal with them. It can be very difficult.”
Help from Trauma Healing Together
But Laura has been taking positive steps since she had help this year from Perth mental health charity, Trauma Healing Together.
Through the charity, she attended group wellbeing sessions as well as one-to-one counselling sessions.
Laura, who has had help from the NHS and counselling from various services over the years, said: “The group sessions were good.
“We did things like photography, baking and crafts which not only took your mind off things but it gave you something to focus on.
“The counselling sessions were also really good and helped me to understand my head a bit better.
“The counsellor I had helped me to look at things in a different way.”
About Trauma Healing Together
Trauma Healing Together, based in Atholl Place, was officially launched as a charity in 2020 by trauma therapist Roxanne Kerr.
Before she became a therapist she was working at a job centre working with a lot of vulnerable people who weren’t getting the support they needed.
Roxanne said: “There was no-where for them to go because they were restricted either due to waiting lists for NHS mental health support which are very long or for financial reasons.
“Just seeing the pain they were suffering inspired me to create Trauma Healing Together which is free of charge.”
Roxanne said it is satisfying to see how people have been helped: “The change I have seen in our clients has been amazing.
“They are coming in and saying it is the first time someone has really listened to them.
“I get emotional just thinking about that.”
Recommending Trauma Healing Together
Due to the help Trauma Healing Together gave her, Laura has signed up for Dundee Kiltwalk next month with her husband Rab.
It comes after Laura spent a couple of years having to use a wheelchair after experiencing chronic fatigue syndrome.
But after building up her strength, she is now doing the kiltwalk with support from Rab.
The couple are wanting to raise money for the charity to help it continue offering its services free of charge.
Today Laura continues to receive counselling support.
And while she will always have difficulties with her mental health, Laura feels the charity has helped her to be more open about her struggles.
“I would definitely recommend Trauma Healing Together to others.
“The service is really good for helping people who have experienced trauma of any kind,” she said.
“I will always struggle with my mental health.
“But the counselling I got from the charity has helped me to cope a bit better.
“In fact the help I got from Trauma Healing Together is why I’m doing the kiltwalk so I can raise money for the charity.”
Laura praises her husband Rab, who is a supervisor at agricultural machinery dealers Scot Agri, for always being by her side.
The couple have been married for eight years.
She said: “He has been an incredible support.
“He comes to my appointments and makes phone calls on my behalf.
“Rab also comes and picks me up if I have ran away.
“I know for a fact I wouldn’t be here without him.”
Anyone wanting to contact Trauma Healing Together should visit here
