It’s 7am. School routine is back and I pour milk into the Weetabix.
The eldest, ten, pads down the stairs.
“Hey my top G. You chill?”
At least, I think this is what he says.
I’ve since learned it’s a new language of youth.
A conglomerate of learned phrases and words from YouTube Shorts and friends.
New generation
They say good morning to their dad and for the first time of many that day, Jamie replies: “Don’t call me bro, I’m your dad.”
“Chill bro,” comes the reply.
Middle son, Chester, eight, is on his iPad – even though it’s banned in the mornings.
He glances up, takes Monty in. “That hair. Dude. Bed head.”
“What bro? Turns out your birth certificate’s just a poster.”
“Roast,” pipes up the youngest, six, congratulating Monty in his put-down, with accompanying hand gesture – something approaching Usain Bolt’s victory pose.
“Nah,” says Chester, “That kid couldn’t roast a potato. Yo fam, how are we this fine morning?”
At first, I was baffled.
People don’t speak like that, I told them. Speak properly, I said.
But the more I nagged, the more fuddy-duddy and middle aged I felt.
It’s an age-old gripe of parents. What’s the new generation all about?
Since skirt lengths rose to show ankles in the 1920s, the older generations have frowned “Not in our day” – until the 60s when bottoms were almost on show with minis modelled by Twiggy, showcasing legs in tights by Mary Quant.
Dundee language
But here’s the thing, my boys have a smile on their faces when they’re using this new language.
They know it’s not how to talk to adults; they’re just having fun.
And so I’ve been taking mental notes on rough translations. I think a “top G” is a top guy, “fam” is family and a roast is a humorous put-down.
Maybe I’ll create a Dundee youth language, interspersed with words like pluke (spot, zit) and swetchies (sweets).
In fact, I’m starting to enjoy this little language and have realised that if I try to understand nothing ‘new’ I’ll stagnate.
Maybe I’ll try it out in conversation and they’ll say: “No bro, cringe.”
And I’ll say “Psyche,” and try to pretend I know what that means.
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