Danielle Carr was planning to be a solo parent before she met her wife-to-be.
The 29-year-old from Leuchars would have liked a partner to start a family with, but she had just never met the right person.
As she approached 30, she decided that she didn’t want to wait any longer.
And so it was that Danielle was several months into her artificial insemination journey when she fell in love with her future fiancé Diane Stuart, 40.
The couple met while volunteering at a local Girl Guiding group in summer 2021, and their relationship was official by the end of the year.
They are now mums to 15-month-old twins – boy Charlie and girl Lexi.
Danielle, a mental health nurse in Dundee, said: “I was planning on being a solo parent before I met Diane.
“I’ve always wanted to be a mum but I just never found the right person.
“A partner would have been great but I just didn’t want to wait any longer.
“I had already done a round of IUI treatment before we started dating but that was unsuccessful.
“Then we got together and spoke about it all, and I did a second round and it worked.”
IUI is a fertility treatment that involves directly inserting sperm into a woman’s womb.
Danielle added: “Relationship-wise, it did happen quickly – but I wouldn’t change it.”
Diane, who has served in the military for nearly 25 years, said: “Having children had never really crossed my mind until my niece and nephew came along – and then I thought it would be nice.
“But I never really met the right one, until I met Danielle.”
Danielle explains that she selected her donor through the European Sperm Bank.
She said: “It was quite easy.
“You just kind of put in any of the characteristics that you would want.
“I had originally decided that I was going to go for characteristics like mine – I have dark hair and dark eyes – but I didn’t.
“I ended up picking a donor because his personality was similar to mine, in that he seemed like a nice guy.
“When the kids are 18 years old they have the option if they want to meet him, so I thought that personality was more important than the characteristics.
“But it ended up that the characteristics I chose are quite similar to Diane, who is blond and has blue eyes.
“Our wee girl looks a lot like me and our wee boy has more of Diane’s characteristics.”
Some parents may struggle to reconcile a potential relationship between their children and the sperm donor, but Danielle says she and Diane are not concerned by this prospect.
She said: “We are just going to leave it up to the kids.
“Obviously, they will know their story about how they came about.
“We are their parents.
“And if they wanted to look for the donor when they turn 18 then neither of us have a problem with that – we would support them.”
Although Danielle counts herself lucky for falling pregnant after just two rounds of IUI treatment – one year into her fertility journey – she admits that it is a financially challenging process.
She said: “Because I started the journey alone, the NHS won’t fund it at all.
“You’ve got to be in a relationship for two years before the NHS will even consider funding.
“So for the two rounds that I did in getting the donor sperm we were looking at about £5,000. So it is expensive.”
How couple found out they were having twins
Being a first-time parent is hard for anyone – but doubly so when you have twins.
Danielle said: “I knew there was a possibility it would be twins because when we went for the implantation we were told there were two eggs that were viable.
“So there was always that possibility.
“We would joke about it happening.
“But it was still that bit of a shock when we found out, like, ‘Oh, it’s actually happening.'”
Would they like to have more children?
Laughing, Danielle said: “We’re done. No more. We’re quite content.”
Describing the twins’ birth at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee, Diane said: “Danielle has diabetes so she would go for a check up every two weeks.
“And when she went for her regular check up and they said, ‘You’re not going home – you’re staying in
“So I got the call at work from her saying, ‘They’re not letting me out’.
“I said ‘Ok, I’m on route’.
After two days in hospital, staff said Danielle needed a caesarean section.
Diane said: “It all happened very quickly – that day was just a blur.
“Charlie was in neonatal for two nights, so he and Lexi were split up at the start.
“They stayed in the hospital for two weeks and then when we got them home it was just great .
“Our journey started properly once we got them home.”
Danielle goes by mum, while Diane goes by mama.
They say that Charlie and Lexi attract a lot of attention when they go out in public, with people often approaching them to ask if they are twins.
Diane said: “Their personalities are coming through now.
“They’re totally different. Charlie is very laid back.
“Lexi is a little wild child.
“Her favourite word is cat. All we hear on the baby monitor in the morning is, ‘Cat’ and we think, ‘Oh, that’s Lexi up'”.
Glencoe proposal interrupted by phone call
For now, the couple are busy planning their wedding at the Landmark Hotel in Dundee this June.
Diane is hoping it will go more smoothly than her proposal to Danielle.
She recalled the nerve-wracking ordeal: “It was July 2022, I booked a shepherd’s hut up near Glencoe, and we went up.
“I Googled the surrounding areas and there was a castle that I was trying to find but I never did find this castle.
“And we got to the shepherd’s hut and just as I was about to propose, Danielle’s sister called, so then I was just pacing around this tiny shepherd’s hut thinking, ‘Oh my god just hurry up!’
“And then I just played Marry You by Bruno Mars and got down on one knee and pulled out the ring and she was like, ‘What are you doing?’
“Then she saw the ring – thankfully she said yes.”
Is your family a little bit different? Maybe it’s who you are, maybe it’s what you do that sets you apart. We’d love to hear your story. If you have a tale to tell let us know.
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