When Vicki Litster was 21 she was at her lowest point.
She didn’t leave the house for six months, barely left her bedroom and just cried all the time.
“I just felt numb like all the colour had just drained out of life,” she says.
“At the time I even remember saying to my mum ‘will I ever laugh again?’ because I just felt so depressed.
“It was horrible.
“My mum took me to the doctor’s and came into my appointment with me.
“She sat me down and told the doctor ‘You need to do something before I lose her’.”
As a young girl Vicki struggled with crippling anxiety before going on to suffer badly with depression throughout her 20s.
Now aged 36, Vicki, who lives in Kirkcaldy, is a successful photographer and has her own business.
And she wants to help give hope to others by sharing her story.
Struggling with anxiety at a young age
Vicki had a really happy childhood living in Kirkcaldy with her mum, dad and older brother Shaun.
Yet she struggled with crippling anxiety at the age of eight, but has no recollection of what might have triggered it.
“I don’t really know where this anxiety came from,” she says.
“My whole body would tense up and I wasn’t able to move anything except my hands which was weird.
“I would suddenly feel incredibly nauseous and would get really hot.
“Back then anxiety wasn’t really a thing so I was always at hospital having tests.
“But they all came back as normal
“Nobody knew what it was and it was crippling. This went on for years until I was 16 and then it turned into depression.”
Struggling with depression as a teenager
When she was in her mid-teens, Vicki was referred by her doctor to an NHS psychologist at a clinic in Templehall to help treat her depression.
“I remember going into a room and there were kids toys everywhere,” she remembers.
“But when you are 16 you don’t want to be treated as a child and the psychologist there spoke to me like I was a child.
“I only had the one appointment with her – she just wasn’t someone I would talk to so it wasn’t a great start to therapy.”
At the age of 17 Vicki sought out her own private therapist in Edinburgh and didn’t tell anyone.
“He sat me down and did hypnotherapy. He started swinging this gold watch in front of me and I just remember thinking ‘what the heck is going on?’
“I made another appointment but I didn’t go back.”
How Vicki’s mental health improved
At the age of 21, Vicki, who was now on anti-depressants, was really struggling with her mental health and she didn’t leave the house for six months.
Her mum took her to the doctor’s as she feared losing Vicki because she was really struggling with depression.
As a result Vicki was referred to another NHS therapist.
And this was the catalyst for things improving.
“This therapist was called Marie and she was amazing,” Vicki says.
“I saw her every Thursday for two months.
“She genuinely helped and started doing cognitive behaviour therapy with me.
“I remember she asked me – ‘what’s the one thing you do feel any kind of happiness with?’
“And I replied: ‘Being with Jasmine, who was my little cocker spaniel.
“She then said: ‘Okay I want you to start taking Jasmine out for little walks’.
“We used to live near Ravenscraig Park so I would take her there for walks every day.
“This helped me to leave the house when I didn’t want to.
“And it was the start of me coming out of the depression.”
Family support helped Vicki’s recovery
Vicki said what also really helped her in her battle with depression was having the support of her mum Elizabeth.
“My mum never really understood my depression which is caused by a chemical imbalance.
“She would just say hang in there or be happy and she just didn’t get it.
“But then she was talking to someone she used to work with and she was able to explain it to her and that was a huge turning point in my recovery.”
Becoming a photographer
Not long after this, the former Balwearie High pupil developed an interest in wedding photography and set up her own business.
Vicki secured her first wedding booking at the Old Manor Hotel in Lundin Links in 2010, despite never shooting a wedding before!
“After that I just kept going and my business took off. It happened very organically.”
She did a photography course at Stevenson College which allowed her to add to her skill set.
In her early twenties she continued taking photos at weddings before eventually setting up her own photography studio at her mum’s house in Balwearie Road, Kirkcaldy.
The impact of Covid
A few years later Vicki moved out into her own house in the town and built her own photography studio in her back garden.
But as her business was just starting to take off, Covid hit in 2020.
It resulted in Vicki having to reschedule 90 weddings.
But what got her through this difficult period was turning her studio into a home gym where she exercised every day.
Vicki and her partner of seven years, Jordan Howells, 35, also went on long walks with their two cocker spaniels Izzy and Archie which really helped.
“Having him there really got me through it.”
What has helped Vicki combat depression
Today Vicki’s mental health is much better although she admits she still has bad days.
She continues taking anti-depressants and for the past year she has been having private therapy sessions which have also made a big impact.
Vicki reveals the other tools she also uses when she feels low.
“Exercise is one thing that definitely helps,” she says.
“Just going out on short walks with the dogs and getting some fresh air makes me feel so much better.
“Keeping busy with my photography business, Victoria Photography, –Â something I love – has also been the biggest saving grace.”
But the one person she credits with helping her most is her partner Jordan, who she has known since she was a teenager.
She added: “The biggest help, though, has been Jordan. He has taught me a lot and put things into a different perspective for me.
“It’s not easy living with someone who has depression but I don’t know who I would be without his support – I am just so grateful that I found him.”
Conversation