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VIEW FROM HERE: In the clinic, thoughts turn to life, colours – and Pringles

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The things I should be doing? So many. Things I am not currently doing? All of that. I am instead sitting in a hospital waiting room waiting patiently to be called in for a scan.

It’s not a disaster being here but I will admit a Ninja Warrior-esq effort trying to find a parking space in ANY of the hospital car parks at 8.40am almost made me dizzy going round and round the multi-story.

Parking on the 10th floor also threatened onset of vertigo, however the short delay in clinic is rather welcome as it prevents me having to request treatment for a potential heart attack and allows my face time to calm down, from puce to merely scarlet. The winter coat and scarf weren’t my best idea today.

While waiting for a hospital appointment, MJ gets thinking.

I’m no novice and am armed with my trusty notebook, pen (phones off if you please), kindle and pocket sized puzzle book.

None appeal after my Olympic trials so I decide instead to take a moment and try some mindfulness exercises I was taught a few years ago. I close my eyes and listen to the sounds around me. I regulate my breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth. It works and I start to relax.

Let’s have a look at what surrounds me to see if that helps find some joy. Comment cards about how great the staff are. Check. Blue, a lot of blue. I love blue but can there be too much of it? Hands up who did the study on what colours are most soothing? Did blue win?

Anyway, what’s out the window? Looking past the bird poop, the view extends just as far as another row of windows. I haven’t got my glasses so now I’m worrying I’ve been squinting inadvertently into some poor soul’s hospital room. Eyes closed again – safer choice all round.

When they said parking was on the 10th floor, they meant a heli-pad.

I start musing if I were a cartoon character who would I be? What 44-year-old doesn’t wonder this? I believe having helped me through University, my parents would be thrilled by this high-brow thinking. Snoopy is pretty cool. Alas, I am not. Jessica Rabbit? I wish. One of the Care Bears possibly, but which one? Foghorn Leghorn, edging getting closer now. Winnie the Pooh. Nailed it. WTP it is.

I am bad at exercising. I love to sleep. I’m hungry ALL the time. I try to be kind and friendly. I have a fabulous and diverse group of friends plus, most importantly, I am slow and forgetful. The only criteria I don’t meet is the red crop top. At least not since the early 90s.
What else can I put to rights while I wait? The shopping list. I remember I’ve to do the ‘big’ shop. We need veggies. Something for tea, cereal and fruit.

The thing with Pringles…

Now, I love fruit but it’s not without flaws. It is inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some are not. Some strawberries are scrumptious and some are not. You know what’s the same every single time? Pringles. Pringles are the same.

I was pleased with myself because I managed to wear something from five years ago and it actually fit. It was a scarf but still, let’s focus on the plus points here and step away from the virtual crisp aisle.

What next? I could deliberate over something I should have said in an argument I had in 2012. Or I could decide what to do at the weekend. Is it going to be a weekend full of productivity completing overdue chores or should we stay in jammies watching Christmas movies? Is this possibly the weekend where the ‘to do’ list tips me over the edge and I start drinking at noon and see what happens? Soooo many choices, so little time.

Mrs Duncan? Oh, that’s me! Appointment over without issue and time to trek back to retrieve my heli-car.

After all the filthy thoughts of Pringles, I should take the stairs but into the lift with me as I’ve my ‘to do’ list to finish. All while my normal anxiety politely moves over to make way for my fancy tinsel-laced ‘Christmas’ anxiety which allows me to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound while wearing a Santa hat.