As the flags return to full mast following the funeral of HM Queen Elizabeth II, one particular event sticks in my mind.
It’s one of the clips that circulated of Meghan and Harry greeting mourners in London.
While so-called well-wishers grabbed at Harry’s hands and snapped photos of him on their mobile phones, a section of white, middle-aged smirking women appeared to delight in leaving Meghan’s hand, respectfully offered, untouched by any of their own.
The well documented dislike of Meghan undoubtedly has racism at its core.
From the early days of her relationship with Harry, she has been described as being ‘(almost) straight outta Compton’ and as having ‘exotic DNA’.
But scratch below the surface, and another factor is exacerbating the British problem with Meghan Markle.
She just isn’t nice in the way that the British public expects.
She seems friendly, is well spoken, and turns up when she is supposed to – to support her husband at the funeral of his grandmother for example.
So what is the problem?
Nice isn’t in our vocabulary when it comes to Meghan Markle
Iterations of the word nice can be traced back to Latin and French, and early meanings translate as coy, reserved, or correct.
In short, it means behaving in the socially acceptable way.
And Meghan’s conduct falls short of that which is still expected from women.
So this is Meghan Markle trying to shake hands with the British public. She gets ignored, laughed at and humiliated.
This country has a rotten racism problem… & notice how they’re all middle aged white women?
Daily Mail reading, racist Karens.
Absolutely abhorrent behaviour. pic.twitter.com/RLjkI4BI4k— molly-mae (@mollymaecosplay) September 11, 2022
Recent criticism of Meghan’s recently launched podcast has been scathing with most of the complaints seeming to stem from the fact that Meghan talked (gasp) – sometimes about herself (the horror) and used the word “I” too many times on her own podcast (pass the pearls, I need something to clutch).
She was previously pilloried for talking about her own life, experiences, and feelings to Oprah Winfrey.
And a common theme in discussions about her seem to be that she should do her duty, be seen and not heard and be more like Kate – the dutiful wife, whose voice I don’t think I’ve actually even heard.
Kate seems nice in the way we expect from women in the public eye. There for the kids, looking good for the camera.
And most folk are unlikely to know what she really thinks about anything much at all.
No doubt she has opinions, but she helpfully keeps them to herself.
And I think that’s what many people still want, and expect, from women. Particularly those who may be deemed to have risen above their station by a population blinkered against its own preoccupation with class.
We’re not used to royals speaking out and answering back
Meghan has opinions and speaks her truth.
She champions causes that she cares about.
She visits refugee camps and is the UN Women’s Advocate for Women’s Political Participation and Leadership.
And she has the audacity to do and be all of these things while having the audacity to also be a woman of colour. A double strike against her.
She also says so when she feels she has been treated unfairly – something that the UK media is unused to.
Former Editor of The Sun, David Yelland noted there has been an unspoken agreement between the UK media and the British Royal family that the royals don’t complain, and that Meghan has, “put a bomb under all that and everyone is panicking.”
It seems it isn’t nice when women answer back.
Being nice isn’t everything – Meghan Markle is being a role model instead
I’ve asked countless people what they think of Meghan Markle over the past week and a half, and their initial reaction is always the same. She says too much.
That’s usually followed by the assertion that Harry needs to “grow a pair” and reel her in.
Apparently, the fact that Harry loves his wife and chooses not to oppress her also makes people uncomfortable.
There is a precedence with all of this.
Princess Diana was also resented for her place in the limelight and for talking about the way that she felt wronged.
She also caused concern with her activism in relation to HIV and AIDS, reportedly being urged to pursue something “nicer, more pleasant”.
The pressure to be nice doesn’t seem to fall on men in the same way – no surprise as there’s a spectrum of behaviours that are deemed acceptable in men, and abhorrent in women.
Thus, when men in the public eye behave shockingly – sometimes abusively or even illegally – the reflex is to chalk this up to character, assertiveness, passion, or vim.
I hope Meghan keeps using her voice, pursuing projects that matter to her, and living her best life despite her detractors.
Because while Meghan Markle isn’t their kind of nice, she is my kind of awesome. A role model for young women trying to make the world a better place, and a pain in the ass for entitled old men.
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