This is the story of how I became the King of Failure.
How a Madonna-obsessed little boy growing up in a working-class community in 1980s Dundee became an award-winning choreographer.
I wouldn’t be here without some major mess-ups along the way.
Now I’m going to drag them all out in the local press, all in the name of healing.
So far, my career has been peppered with screwups – some tiny mistakes and some enormous disasters.
Here are four key lessons that I’ve learned.
Lesson one: You don’t need others to tell you that you’re good enough
This first mistake was a biggie.
I was a bit careless, got a wee bit ahead of myself. And one day I found that my company was kaput.
I disappointed a lot of people and got myself a not-so-nice reputation in the industry and locally.
I was cast aside, pushed to the periphery.
Now looking back, I can see this was one of the best things that could have happened for my career.
I met some fantastically interesting people out in the wilderness.
I was reminded of the working class boy inside me.
And I had a renewed energy for championing the underdog.
I discovered a passion for working with people who the arts aren’t reaching – something which is still central to my work.
This gave me the energy to get up, dust myself off, learn, grow and start again.
Forget about the expectations of others. What were my own expectations?
Lesson two: Don’t be too busy fixing the mess to notice an opportunity
Within months, I would go from the deepest dip in my career to the highest peak.
If I was still hanging on, scrambling to save my sinking ship, I wouldn’t have seen the lifeline right in front of me.
I applied to be BBC Radio 2’s Artist in Residence (because I had nothing left to lose).
It’s important to talk about failure, to rummage through the embers to work out what went wrong, to hunt for the silver lining
I was in my Bridget Jones era – curled up on the couch lip-synching to Celine Dion – and I knew I wasn’t going to get it.
Three Turner Prize nominees had applied, for goodness sake.
So when I was asked to come in and interview with Claudia Winkleman and Sir Peter Blake, I assumed I was just there to make up the numbers.
I’d have a lovely time comparing hairdos with Claudia. And then I’d come home to Dundee, never to hear from them again.
I’d risen from the dead.
Fate forced me to let go of what wasn’t meant for me so I could grab what was with both hands.
Lesson three: Trust your gut
Early in my career, I was working on a piece that was, for lack of a better word, rubbish.
Nevertheless, I was invited to take it to Edinburgh Fringe.
And despite the little voice in my head saying it wasn’t good enough, I accepted.
I ignored my instincts and paid the price for it.
Failure happens.
Setbacks happen.
Adversity happens.
Bad days happen.
Struggles happen.It’s about how you respond.
Get back up and keep going. Take the next step.
— Kevin DeShazo (@KevinDeShazo) August 31, 2022
The reviews were scathing.
Despite feeling deflated and embarrassed, we had to continue with performances for the rest of the month through gritted teeth.
It wasn’t fun.
I went back to London with a more robust trust in my judgment and something to prove.
Before long, I was working on something that did feel right.
Within This Dust launched my career and received rave reviews.
Now I never ignore that little voice.
Or in my case, I write a musical about it.
Lesson four: Laugh about it
What started off as a joke turned into a powerful tool that I used to process my failures.
After a suitable amount of time spent wallowing, I was ready to stop taking myself so seriously.
I was determined not to be put off.
Making The Unwanted – a comedy dance theatre show – helped me step outside of myself and realise it wasn’t as bad as it felt.
It helped me keep going.
After years of being knocked back for funding, project after project, we were awarded some pennies to make The Unwanted.
A win for a project all about losing.
Then I was offered the biggest commission of my career so far – choreographing the V&A Dundee opening ceremony.
Putting myself in a positive mindset helped me welcome new opportunities from a place of self-belief.
I was thriving.
Fail Safe celebrates Dundee life lessons
Failure isn’t a dirty word or something to be ashamed of.
Failure helps us to hone our craft and move to the next level.
It drives us to remain humble and separate our worth from our successes.
It’s important to talk about failure, to rummage through the embers to work out what went wrong, to hunt for the silver lining.
That’s what Fail Safe is all about.
Fail Safe is back! 💥
We’ll be returning to Innis & Gunn Dundee on Thursday 22 September to hear some more stories of failure, hosted again by the fantastic @KatetheHammer 😍
Book your FREE ticket here 👉 https://t.co/4rFK0w1BA8 pic.twitter.com/jJ9T72XH9d
— Shaper/Caper (@shapercaper) August 17, 2022
It’s an evening organised by dance charity Shaper/Caper in Dundee, where we celebrate failure and all the doors it can open and lessons it can teach.
Our next Fail Safe event is on Thursday September 22 at Innis & Gunn.
Come and talk about your mess-ups and mistakes.
Failure isn’t a destination, but a step on the way to our definition of success.
Tommy Small is the artistic director of Dundee dance charity Shaper/Caper, the first ever BBC Radio 2 artist in residence and former choreographer in residence at the Space in Dundee.
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