THIS time next week, Santa will have been and we’ll need an elasticated waist to get through the rest of December.
I smiled at this thought and then I stopped dead in the realisation that this meant there are only a few days left to do, well, everything.
Nothing a To Do list can’t sort, I muttered while waiting for tea to cook.
Right. Pen and paper poised, I was ready to regain control.
Overwhelmed
In two days – school panto trip. Packed lunch needed. Get rolls.
Oh and Christmas jumper day. Would last years do? Or were they from two years ago? Way too small. And a pound donation for charity per child.
“Anyone got any coins. Anyone?”
Monty: “Mum, I’d like to wear a suit for my school party.”
Me: “But we don’t have a suit. When for?”
Monty: “Tomorrow.”
Me: “WHAT?”
Chester: “Oh and I forgot my pound donation last time. I need cash.”
Me (wailing slightly) “I don’t have cash. Or a suit. Or rolls.”
Guthrie: “What does sponsor mean?”
Me: “Not now.”
Guthrie: “But I said I’d sponsor my friend. I promised. He’s eating Digestives.”
Husband: “Did you write those Christmas cards and get washing tablets? And coffee?”
“NO. I don’t have cash, a suit, rolls, cards, washing tablets, coffee. I AM OVERWHELMED.”
Guthrie: “What does overwhelmed mean and also, what does raffle mean? I’ve heard you say ‘go raffle your donut’ but I don’t think that’s real English – and I promised to buy raffle tickets from a friend even though I don’t know what they are. But you can win a pair of socks that play Jingle Bells or soap. I think you should stop buying liquid soap
Because plastic bottles are bad for the environment.”
Monty: “The Little Mermaid on ice was brilliant but can we go to a panto as a family? Have you left it too late? I think you have. Oh mum, I smell burning. I think it’s the oven.”
Time vortex
Fast forward to the next morning. A nice lady in the queue at Starbucks in the Overgate asked if I was all set for Christmas.
She was only being friendly – indulging in the kind of festive chit-chat that’s rather pleasant at this time of year.
She was no doubt expecting something like ‘a few bits and bobs left but almost there.”
Instead, she found herself listening to a lady with slightly matted hair and far-off stare telling her that no, she was far from all set.
A woman pondering if something funny has happened to time; if it’s sped up since ..well, maybe since lockdown..and how, yes we all say that when we get older..but even the kids think Christmas has come round fast.
And how maybe we’ve entered some sort of vortex where time has speeded up and we’re actually still in May. That would explain a lot of things.
And I realised that this woman had a slightly blank look on her face – brought on perhaps panic, fear or confusion. No matter the ‘why’, I’d lost the crowd.
“Sorry, I’m whittering. How about you? Ready?” I chirped with false cheerfulness.
“Yes, she said. Done and dusted weeks ago. Well anyway, nice talking. Merry Christmas.”
And I decided there and then that the next person to ask if I was ‘all set’ would be greeted with a smile and a “oh you know, just about” or perhaps even a straightforward “yes.” Just smile and say yes.
Because on balance, a lie for pleasantries sake is more palatable than deranged stranger. Maybe that’s it – everyone is pretending to be organised rather than tell the messy truth. What an uplifting, hopeful thought.
May your Christmas be merry when it comes, pals. Remember the important things and let’s not stress about the details.
