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MARY-JANE DUNCAN: Sorry, not sorry. It’s about being nice

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There are a few things I’m not very good at saying.  Sorry is one.  And goodbye another.  The latter being the one I hate most if I’m honest.

It’s easier for me to say sorry, mainly due to the vast number of blunders I make, hopefully people think I’m more charming than inept.

Is apologising a sign of weakness?  I don’t think so.  There are too many ways to say sorry and too many reasons to utter it to discount them all.

Why wouldn’t you?

Why when one simple word conveys regret for an act or some understanding of what a person is going through, would you refuse to say it?

Being able to admit your mistakes and show compassion should never be seen as a failing.  Well, at least not in my eyes, apologies if you don’t agree.

Mary-Jane’s ‘sorry-saying’, sunshiney staff finally got to celebrate with an overdue staff night out/in.

Our workplace is an abundance of ‘sorrys’.  And not because we’re a gaggle of miseries.  Quite the opposite.

They are the kindest, happiest bunch of sunshiney souls who have created such a nice place to work, they do nothing but laugh or apologise.

I need a ‘sorry jar’

Sorry I bumped into you.  Sorry I used your favourite mug.  Sorry I sang too loud over your top Disney tune.

The air hangs so thick with apologies, I threatened to set up a ‘sorry jar’.  But these are okay.  They are silly ‘sorrys’ born from their exceptional niceness.  None of it false.  None of it sarcastic.  All of it sincere if entirely unnecessary.

So many types of apologies exist, ranging from more frivolous ones to those uttered to convey sympathy.  Often difficult to time perfectly or word sincerely.

Then the apologies necessary for mending wrong doings.  For healing hurt we’ve caused.  It’s not the easiest one to either say or to teach.

How to say sorry

Being parents taught us this and we have tried to demonstrate any apologies required for this end MUST be authentic, easily recognised, include empathy, and be accompanied by the willingness to take responsibility for whatever  brought them to this point.

We lead by example, often apologising along with the reminder having never been parents before, we are likely to make more mistakes.

A dose of vulnerability within an admission alongside some humble pie only helps convey our sincerity and willingness not intentionally repeat any slipups again.

Working in hospitality goes hand in hand with lessons learned regards apologising.  We try our hardest, work tirelessly to ensure anyone visiting has the best experience possible.

Hospitality goes both ways

And yet, especially since lockdown, we find some have little patience and can, frankly, be rather rude.

Thankfully only a slim minority, but isn’t it sad how you can receive many compliments on the same day as one criticism and the latter is the one that sticks?

We are aware people are paying us to provide a service, one we take pride in.  If given the chance, we apologise and correct issues on the spot.   In person.  At the time.  There and then.

Yet it seems the art of patience is beginning to become a lost one, and insulting my staff is where I draw the line.

Those who hide behind keyboards to convey their side of a story, often out of context, no longer receive whimpering apologies from me.

I no longer back down from telling our truth even if it is online.  I do us few favours and am now barred by my staff from replying.

Our work family

Last night we celebrated with an overdue staff night out/in.  Finally getting to say some goodbyes while knowing more are coming very soon.  It’s a special thing when your colleagues become your family, so slowly you don’t even notice.

Spending more time with people than your partners, sometimes knowing more about them than family does.  These brilliant folk, having been with me for years, not just as staff but as friends.

We’ve weathered births, deaths, marriages, illness, and a global pandemic through support and love and an inane number of silly sorrys.

I know they’re not MY kids, but I couldn’t be prouder of them.  Everything they’ve been and what they’re about to become.

We couldn’t be more grateful for their hard work, commitment, and friendship.

Thankfully due to modern technology, we’ll manage to stay in touch and watch them continue to grow and storm the world in their own happy, if apologetic, ways.

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