What would you do if you discovered an incredible truth that would literally change the way we look at the world?
Would you publish your discovery in an eminent scientific journal? Would you contact Panorama? Or would you pen a book on it?
Of course not. You’d spray-paint your breakthrough on the side of a wheelie bin.
I was reminded of this unusual method of spreading news on a road trip from Dundee to Torridon a couple of weeks ago when I saw the letters “FE” adorning many of the bins in laybys along the A9.
Those letters, in case you’re wondering, stand for “Flat Earth.” They used to be accompanied by slogans on the backs of road signs explaining that the earth is flat but either Perth & Kinross Council or Bear Scotland appears to have cleaned up most of them.
There was even a Flat Earth shop in Inverness for three years until it vanished over the horizon in 2021.
Round Earthers strike back
Fascinatingly, globalists have now struck back, amending the “FE” spraypainted in white to a yellow “RE” for “Round Earth.”
I thoroughly enjoyed watching this wonderful scientific debate play out on the bins and signs of Highland Perthshire’s main arterial road as the miles rolled by. If anyone sincerely believes the Earth is flat, please drop me a line.
There’s so much I’d like to know. Why are the other planets and the moon round? How do seasons work? How thick is our flat Earth – am I in danger of falling through – and what’s on the underside?
Heated letters
Another small group spread their conspiracy theories on a far more august and civilised platform: the letters pages of this newspaper. We regularly receive (and print) letters from people convinced climate science is a global conspiracy cooked up so researchers can receive endless grant money.
I’d love to know at what point in an undergraduate degree or a PhD they think a student is pulled aside by a professor and told the subject they’re studying is fictitious and to keep schtum about it…and why none of these millions of students have exposed such a conspiracy.
Cosmic rays. Water vapour (that’s clouds to you and me). CO2 doesn’t cause climate change and more of it is good for the planet. Even if it does then China’s to blame.
Rarely do they cite any science, however one letter just before Christmas recommended studying the work of William Happer. So I did.
In an interview on CNBC, Mr Happer said: “The demonisation of carbon dioxide is just like the demonisation of the poor Jews under Hitler.” That’s not the most scientific language I’ve ever heard. He isn’t a climate scientist either.
When he was asked to write a report extolling the benefits of increasing climate emissions he agreed to do so but said his work would not pass peer-review in a scientific journal.
A few minutes on the websites of NASA, the IPCC, or WHO will reveal that climate science factors in and accounts for such things as water vapour, solar and volcanic activity, and changes in the Earth’s orbit.
It baffles me why we don’t get letters saying other scientific endeavours are bunkum. Where are the concerned citizens claiming that the latest breakthroughs in cosmology, chemistry, or cancer treatment are hoaxes?
Kuenssberg con?
It isn’t just frustrated flat-earthers on the A9 or angry letter writers who happily swallow conspiracy theories. Even clever journalists fall for them sometimes. Remember last year when then BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg accidentally sent Boris Johnson her briefing notes ahead of an interview with the former Prime Minister?
A hypothesis quickly emerged that she had been caught deliberately passing her notes to Mr Johnson to soft-soap the interview. A couple of journalists for this very newspaper – people I’ve worked with for years and whose opinions I respect – were convinced it was an establishment stitch-up.
Perplexed, I asked a friend who knows about these things. He was a political journalist for more than a decade. He broke the story about Alex Salmond’s alleged misbehaviour around women which led to his high profile trial. And he now happens to be the editor of this newspaper.
When I mentioned some of our colleagues thought the BBC’s political editor and the former PM were in cahoots his response was: “they don’t actually believe that do they?
“It’s always a **** up, never a conspiracy.”
The boring truth is that the official story is most often the true story, and that the much-demonised mainstream media is still the most reliable place to get news. The world is round, we really are cooking the planet, and even the most high-profile journalists make daft mistakes sometimes.
I’m running up against my word count so sadly there’s no time to discuss why 20 minute towns are a conspiracy to imprison people, why the moon landings were faked, or who really killed JFK.
There is one conspiracy theory I do believe, though. The washing machine does always steal one sock.
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